Because I took on this kids’ superhero this time around, I thought I’d talk about writing for audio-only and how to avoid too much exposition, but still getting the important beats across to your audience.
CHARACTERS DESCRIBING THE ACTION
I have to start here because WOW did “The Blue Beetle” do this a lot. I forgive them because they were writing for children. But I thought I’d hit on the particularly heavy exposition parts that bumped me while I was adapting it.
The first big scene was during the rescue of Mr. Down. Joan and Professor Meredith are on shore describing what is happening beat-by-beat like radio sports announcers (but with invested emotion, there’s at least that). The original didn’t have any dialogue from Mr. Down, the lifeguards, Dan Garrett (the Blue Beetle) or any of the onlookers. Nor was there much along the lines of SFX. Literally just two people “Oh! He jumped off the pier!” “Now the lifeguards are swimming over to him!” etc, etc. I hope I made the scene a bit more dynamic. That is a tough call. It’s a very visual part in the episode.
If I were tasked with writing this original episode, I would’ve taken the action into the water. Probably some “give me your hand!” and “something bit me!” That sort of thing. But I kept it as close to the original as possible since doing it their way is more true to the original series. One thing I always remind myself, is just because these old shows have lasted, doesn’t mean they’re perfect.
EXPOSITION IN THE DIALOGUE
Truth be told, there is a fine line between giving the right amount of exposition in dialogue, and going too far, thereby making the characters sound unnatural. It’s so tricky, that a lot of modern audio drama writers simply go for the easy-out and use a narrator. In fact, I just read a post on the audio-drama subreddit with a self-proclaimed screenwriter who said he wanted to have someone “read the stage directions” of his film-script-turned-audio-drama. I laugh to begin with because in film, they’re not called stage directions. Those are “action” lines. So I’m guessing this “screen”writer is only familiar with stage, not film. But OMG! Would you want to listen to someone saying “Mary walked across the room.” “Mary answered the phone.” “Mary opened the door.” (You’ll be happy to know that the responses from the AD community I read all told this person NOT to do that!)
And one last note on having heavy descriptors in the stage directions. In real TV, film, and yes, OTR scripts, the “action” is minimal. It isn’t a place for heavily descriptive prose. One of the first things you’re taught as a screenwriter is you don’t write camera movements. No “the camera sweeps across the room, landing on an empty gin bottle.” The director will decide what the scene needs. Nor do you ever EVER put character thoughts in the action. “He was visibly upset, remembering his mother from years ago.” How is the audience going to know that? You better put it in the dialogue or write a flashback scene. Action lines are meant to inform the director/crew what is happening. “Mary quickly exits.” That’s it. I literally was employed to go into TV scripts and remove all of the flowery descriptors. “Mary grimaced as she flung her curly brown hair and walked with heavy steps to the door, mournful of her loss.” Or… “Mary quickly exits.”
So should the exposition be handed over to a narrator? My answer is… depends. I’ve mentioned this in the Musings post about modern attempts at noir. Where they jump back and forth from the lead character being in the scene, and then describing the scene. And I do 100% feel that that is lazy writing. Something like, “Hey, Jane! Come on in! She walked across the room like an angel on stilettos.” That works in film because you can tell when it’s a voiceover versus the character is actually speaking in the scene. And you will notice, it is not done in OTR noir. Some shows will give the lead a moment to set the scene, but not keep interjecting. For OTR shows that utilize a narrator device, it is at the beginning or end of the scene. Every other visual that needs to be expressed is done in the dialogue.
HOW DO YOU MAKE THAT DIALOGUE SOUND NATURAL?
The best way to have a character tell you what they see is to be creative, and within the tone of the character. Let’s take the action of the villain pulling a gun on the hero. There are so many fun ways you could have that in dialogue. Our noir hero, for example, could say things like, “A gun? All right, you have my attention.” “I won’t disagree with that 45 in your hand.” “What are you gonna do? Shoot me with that?” Or the villain could initiate it. “I think this rod speaks for itself.” “You wanna say that again to my 45?” “Keep talkin’ and I’ll blow a hole right through you with this gun.” Even Madison could do it in her own way, “A gun? Are you serious? Uck.” “Ah!! Don’t shoot! I just applied my lipstick!” “You know, that gun totally clashes with your suit.”
And really, that’s the fun part of writing for audio-only. If you are struggling with how to get your audience to envision the landscape of your scene, stop for a moment and think outside the narrator-box. What SFX can you use? How can you weave it into dialogue? Or can music help? Stop thinking that audio-only has you handicapped as a writer and instead think of how it can challenge your creativity.
-Chrisi (aka Madison)
